Mean Mommies

My sweet almost-5-year-old girl, Averie. She has a strong personality, like her mama, but she also has a big heart. (I’d like to think she gets that from me as well.) She considers everyone a friend—I have never heard her say a negative thing about any of her friends or classmates. Even though I know that some have not always been nice to her.

Despite your best mommy efforts, sometimes your kid just won’t get along with another. And that’s part of life, of course, but sometimes it crosses the line and people just start getting mean. And I’m not just talking about kids. I’m talking about the moms! This week, I had that unfortunate realization.

I was in a sorority in college. I lived with 40 women in a chapter house, and we didn't always get along. I get the politics of being a girl. But it takes on a whole new meaning when it's your preschool-age child, and when adult women are teaching their young girls that it is okay to be rude to those you don't like. It starts to feel like a very unfair fight, with adults leading by (bad) example.

I’ve talked to her teacher, who reassured me that my daughter's behavior isn't the problem. The other child has a history of being difficult with others, so as long as I know I’m teaching my daughter how to be kind to everyone, I can’t take it personally. I guess I’m just having a hard time accepting that some grown women don’t see anything wrong with singling out classmates their kid doesn’t like and basically just being a mean girl...and raising her daughter to be the same. Did I mention this is a Christian preschool?! Talk about expecting better from other parents.

This is her sleepy face, not her sad face. But still, doesn't it just kill you to see your kid feeling down?!

As for my family? We used this as an opportunity to talk to our daughter about showing kindness to others. When I asked Averie if she still wants to invite this girl to her upcoming birthday party, she said yes. And I have never been prouder of my sweet, caring girl—a girl who always wants to include everyone and make everyone feel like a friend, even when they haven’t treated her that way.

We will be inviting this other child to my daughter’s birthday party. We will be including her in anything that includes the rest of the class. We will treat her no differently than any other friend in her class. Because that’s the gracious thing to do. That’s the Christian thing to do.

We don’t always know what is going on in the lives of others to make them act the way they do. We certainly can’t control how they treat us. But we control how we respond. Sometimes an icky situation can point out something important. I think we’re on the right track. And I think my daughter is turning out to be pretty cool.

Your turn: Have you ever experienced a “mean girl” moment? Or just a difficult mom moment? How do you respond when people are choosing to not be nice?

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